i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
