All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
