Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
His nipple licking is glorious
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