thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
