im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
