you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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