I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
