Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
