Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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