I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
