Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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