why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
