shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The Olympian is in my bed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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