There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
