So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
