in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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