you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
