i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
