Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
