What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
