therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
