She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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