the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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