had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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