oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
