I want to make a zoo with you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
