i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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