So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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