i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
