Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
