My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
