Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
