nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
