Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
