those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
