i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize