She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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