the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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