I got chris browned last night
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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