Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
