never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
