checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize