i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
