Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
