I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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