yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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