Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
