I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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