alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
