My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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