I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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