so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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