first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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