The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
