Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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