ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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