Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
