On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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