So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
