I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
