Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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