your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
