I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
