he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
