TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
