There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
