His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
