He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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