lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
