Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
