If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
