I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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