do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
