Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
