If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
