She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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