I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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