Jerry, you need to find god
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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